Cat, Ba, Vietnam, May 5th, my birthday. A boat tour around Halong bay, one on the most prestigious landscapes of Vietnam.
One of those days changes your life.
“C’mon Lisy! Jump!”
omg peeps…. yelling doesn’t help! My legs shaking on nausea as I kept glancing over the rim of the peacefully floating boat. “OMG I’M SCARED!!!!”
DAMN! what’s going on?!
I had jumped from waaay higher before…. but this one here felt worse than ever. 4 metres of fear, panic and holding my breath so tight it hurt my lungs.
WHY CAN’T I JUMP? my whole body stuttering, teeth clunching in ice cold meanwhile the pounding heat of the sun glazed a coat of glistening magic all over the gigantic green rocks, lusciously perking through the sea, majestic thrones of royal ancestory.
All of Vietnam’s nature celebrating in deep quiet wisdom.
Here I stood so torn in disconnection.
I wan’t to, but I just CAN’T!!!!
And time held still.
Tic Tic Tic.
2 realities clocking by.
2 lanes appearing right before me in the void of the adrenaline tremors rushing through my veins.
This moment doesn’t care about the instant validation cheers.
When this survival instinct jolts you enter a tunnel vision where multiple realities collide.
I return home without jumping. Thinking about why I didn’t. Why I hadn’t dared. On such a perfect day, such a perfect time.
Yet, opportunities for joy ran out of my hands. The universe couldn’t show me she has my back no matter what. The inner daemons of fear defeated me once again. The voices echoing for days: you didn’t jump, you didn’t dare, you didn’t trust. Cosed throats, and hunched shoulders, of cringing and nights tossing ´n turning with bitterness. Memories of my inner child on the days she desired so much, but didn’t get any. My big pounding heart wanting more in that relationship and him canceling on my plans for the X’d time. Then one of me walking into auditions and not even stepping into the studio, because nobody will ever choose me anyway. The one of dreaming about worldtripping and spending years of hustling with no days off.
OMG I did it! Bounds of excitement and stretching arms wide open. Pounding heart, running up real fast and jumping again, and again and finding that nothing bad actually can happen and won’t happen because it was never meant to! Realizing the growth beyond the pain, victory on this flow of life, boundless joy. When there’s more, there’s even more. And once that’s done, 3 other doors open. And the prosperous alignment with nature ripples through my being over and over again. I defied my own shadow’s gravity! The feeling of winning.
And there I am co-creating, trusting, knowing in the unknown what really matters: choosing love, choosing connection, choosing just to choose and watch what happens.
Going home with a sense of pride and fullness and erotic sensual power. Breathing in ecstasy of being held in this Goddess energy that goes beyond anything I could imagine.
The realities speeding up now. Oscillating in myriads of electric waves. Both imploding into an equal vibration.
Equal potency:
fear // possibility,
holding // surrendering,
shrinking // risking,
pain forever // pain now then never
Feeling the reality of flow
Of when it already happened.
What was I always meant to experience?
Exactly THAT. It’s already done!
Letting the body dissolve, the mind sync with that ONE path.
And so I stepped out into the void.
The empty.
2 seconds of abyss.
And when the water received me with a gentle embrace , a deep dive and an immediate pull upwards I knew the void was so full all along.
2 seconds of dark, of losing control before all the support systems kick in and lift me into a new reality that hung on a fine line.
Then golden rays kept perking through the mossy green boulders of Halong Bay.
And I knew the following second, my life would never be the same again, as I had fully alertly shaped my reality.
One that I chose with such precision the universe rips the oceans apart to let my inner Goddess rise!
What’s on hold in you?
What reality is waiting for you to say YES?
If you were to jump over the unbelievable?
Surrender your heart into the abysses of the unknown and let her lift you with a splash into your big dream…
what would you see?

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