so a wave of sadness and feeling generally blues hit me the other day. I instantly knew what’s up: this is not your “normal trauma release”.
I’ve guided myself and many women and friends through this exact bump on the road.
In the past, whenever I’d feel “blue”, there was an obvious reason to trigger it. My ex-boyfriend had promised to go to my friend’s birthday party and called 2 hours before we were meant to leave the house, that he had to stay at work longer (the 4th last-minute plan-drop that month). Or I would have gone into an audition, and got a courtesy call to let me know I didn’t get the position. Or I had a bunch of bills piling up and my boss was delaying the salary payment yet again.
These are pretty “normal” reasons to feel upset, right.
Well, what I’m about to share with you, might surprise you, but if you look back on your life, you might have gone through this. Maybe, like me, it took you years to understand this was a “thing”.
And quite possibly, just like me, you’ve been putting these feelings on inner child trauma as a cause and you couldn’t find a logical reason for this.
Well, here’s what sneakily slipped under my carpet and was playing a little turmoil in my inner world: a success hangover – I call this more distinctly: post-traumatic-(success)-disorder – PT(S)D
So what happened exactly?
These past few weeks I’ve been having so many women show interest in my work, had over 150 new friend requests on Facebook and around 50 new followers on Instagram only in the last 6 days or so.
Then a new higher-ranked position from the company I worked with last year came through, which means I’ll be travelling all over sunny Europe – one of my biggest dreams.
I booked my flight to go to Hawaii in April (you know how heart-struck I am about Hawaii, right!).
I finalized the most in-depth and passion filled signature program I’ve created in my entire career as a coach.
Now, I’m gearing up to create a longer group container that I know in my heart and soul is going to be even more ground-breaking than this one and women are already asking to know more.
I’m spending so much quality time with my family and friends. I just finished doing a 3-day fast followed by an Ayurveda mono-diet to reset my system and it was so easy.
My daily routine is relaxed and at peace, I work when I feel inspired and the rest of the time I just follow my instinctual pull
My “disease” is not stress, or that something is wrong or that my life needs to change in any way.
I simply have “PT(S)D!”
You know, I’m crying writing this, because honestly; it took me so long to understand: I’ve experienced so many hardships in my life, from living in a toxic relationship for 5 years, to going through an abortion, to leaving my dancer dream on the road, quitting that whole life in London at 30 that my young 20 year old had put so many hopes into and they all had “seemed in vain”.
I’m crying out of deep compassion and gentleness for this young girl inside who thought she was so somehow doomed and undeserving of love and things going smooth: I had such a deep program that I had to fight hard for my dreams, that life is a mess and you need to figure everything out alone.
And here I am now: finding so much ease and joy in this life. Seeing all my greatest gifts coming together in this passionate life I’m creating.
This person I’m becoming. Wayyyy beyond what I had thought to be possible.
I’m experiencing the direct results of the feminine way of life that inevitably leads into deep healing: I’m releasing painful things from the past and gently turning them it into love. Carefully and patiently. One by one. Healing so deep. One at a time. Allowing all the pain to move through. Having all the tools to move me through it.
This is the new PTSD -> Post Traumatic SUCCESS Disorder.
There’s strictly nothing wrong with my life. It’s all coming together: the consciousness, the dance, the freedom, the impact, the dreams. So much love. Oh, SO MUCH LOVE!!!!
My body doesn’t know how to fit it in yet. This new way of life being easy and joyful can sometimes put us into trigger zone: we’re wondering when is the other shoe going to drop? It can’t be that easy! When’s the next stressor going to hit by surprise? I must get ready for the rough side of the coin, etc.
Around 6 months ago I’d wake up frozen in my bed, with this panic in my chest that I was going to die and that it would all have been in vain. And then a wave of guilt and shame would roll over me and all I could do was cry and cry and cry. Dance through it, cry some more.
It took me months to understand the “problem”:
I had been consistently hitting over 3k for 6 months in a row and everything was totally fine!
And then, I found out that my body KNOWS very well actually: She’s releasing all the pressure and all the stress that built up over the years and she’s coming into this powerful NEW sensation: “relief”. I can literally feel my body calibrate a new level of homeostasis in.
HOMEOSTASIS is when the body return to natural functions after a traumatic event.
Wow, yes it’s relief what I’m feeling. And it’s been there for so long. I’m crying of relief to know that it WILL stay right here. The old gunk of sadness and turmoil and despair; Gently all passing through to make space for my next level of success-induced-relief.
When there’s more, there’s always more.
And it will only get better from here.
And there’s relief that I know exactly how to guide my nervous system into this “better” without collapsing, without sabotaging, without drama.
This steady state of BEING deep down, despite my tears streaming down my face, that I have everything it take to succeed and reach my dreams. That there’s a high chance that I will actually exceed them. That this PT-SUCCESS-D is a sign that I’m on my way now.
I’ve heard very little entrepreneurs talk about this.
Everybody is so busy talking about figures and funnels and attracting clients.
And I talk about this, too. AND I know that it may not “feel good” right away, when my clients hit their next level of success. It might feel AWFUL in the beginning, until you allow your nervous system to rewire itself, not matter how much time it takes.
I want you to know that if this is happening to you, it’s because you can handle it.
And if you don’t yet, you have the magnetic superpower of attracting ways to handle it.
If you’re feeling streaking pikes of sadness, fear of death, restlessness or extreme fatigue, guilt or shame; you might be moving through the tides of Winner’s Blues. It’s a natural place to move through, especially if you’ve lived hardships and dreams gliding out of your hands in the past.
I lay the foundations of the feminine energy blueprints in all my programs and 1:1 containers. This work is designed to give you all the resources you need to hit 5k clients, 10k launches. I hit my first ever 35k year in 2019. It was huge for me (I’d barely scrape over 18k in the peak of my dance career). I’m on my way to hit 6 figures this year. I know it will happen and I know it will happen for you. When your nervous system catches up and your masculine energy inside can hold you despite what the tides look like on the outside, it’s such a gift.
We’re here to make ease and joy our priority.
It is about becoming ease and joy through the process and effortlessly allowing all of your dreams in and probing your nervous system to keep your dreams in the room. If you’re an artist who “lost her dream”, don’t dismiss this calling. If you’re feeling the pull in your heart it’s probably because this is curated from my deepest place in your artist heart. I know to be true that living my life in this feminine way opened the doors for dance to come back into my life, dance came to heal me and show me what is possible beyond the mind. Oh my goddess, I LOVE love love dance!
I can reveal this:
you’re literally sitting on top of all the keys to your success and there’s a path on how you can use dance (insert your favorite art-form) to manifest.
I’ve done it. Read more about this here
I love you,
Did this blog resonate with you?
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I’d absolutely love to hear from you!
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